If I could take a walk through Moorpark, I’d start at the Estes Ranch. I’d walk down the long driveway that led to the house and pretend I was a kindergartner again. I remember that first day when the bus driver almost forgot to drop me off and mom chased after the bus to make it stop. I was terrified she’d get hurt.
I remember going to Aunt Barbara’s house the day we moved. Mom was going to drop me off while they unpacked, but I remember falling apart at the idea. I did NOT want to stay. Julie tried to cajole me with how we were going to make Christmas cookies and learn how to wrap presents. I wasn’t impressed. I bawled. Frankly, it was a temper tantrum, but I knew better than to scream and kick, so I simply cried. It worked. Mom said, “If you come back with me, you’ll have to take a nap.” I was absolutely ok with that! I still don’t know exactly WHY I didn’t want to stay, but I suspect it had to do with the exponentially greater chance of getting in trouble around Julie. I didn’t like the whole “get in trouble” thing. We all have our hobbies. That wasn’t mine.
I’d sit beneath the magnolia tree, a blossom in my hand, and inhale the subtle scent of it. I’d stroke the soft petals and close my eyes remembering the little girl I was when I did that the first time. I’d read a book and listen to the muffled sounds of the cars driving by on the highway down the road just as I did back then.
Lady would be there. She’d chase jackrabbits, bark at gophers, and she would not get into poison or a fishbone. I can’t remember which it was. I’d scratch behind her ears and wrap my arms around her neck again. I thought that dog was the most amazing animal ever. She was a good dog, but no, she wasn’t the most amazing. However, when you’re five, you really don’t have much to compare with. I mean, she did everything your average dog does… she fetched, she sat, she loved long walks…
I’d go up the steps, into the house, and look around the living room. I can still see mom and dad peeling off the wallpaper. There were so many layers of paint and wallpaper! I see the penny colored floral couch beneath the window at the end of the room. I’d walk through to the dining room and relive the day I “rang the bell” for dinner. I bought that porcelain bell in Las Vegas. This time, I wouldn’t ring it. I’d leave it alone. I don’t know if it would have survived all of the moves, but I’d have liked to give it another chance.
I’d go through the kitchen and out the back door. Was there a swing set out there? I can see one in my mind, but I don’t remember ever swinging on it. I know that on the other side of the house there was a basketball net. Bear and Kelsey played out there one afternoon. I remember them talking about Schwinn being at Uncle Lon’s house. Bear wanted to go see him, but I got the idea we wouldn’t be going. I remember killing red ants with my toe until one bit me. Then I decided that wasn’t such a good idea. I think I also went inside to put on shoes.
I’d go look in the fields and see the lima beans. I’d wander up the drive to the old ramshackle barn and look around again. I would not, however, go back into the old outhouse. Oh that was a terrifying experience. PEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEYEEEEEW!
Maybe we could all take a walk across the fields, follow the aquaduct, and go to the other side. This time, maybe Lady wouldn’t smash her head into the concrete side of it. Poor dog. She looked so confused! How I loved playing in the concrete pipes they had laying around there. When I think about it, it amazes me that I didn’t get bitten by snakes or spiders. Sometimes Bear and I would walk along it for a ways and then along the rail road tracks over to David and Julie’s house. That was fun. I remember going to the Tipsy Fox and feeling like I was back in Fillmore. It was weird, but I remember it.
I think I’d like to ride the bus to school once more. I wonder whatever happened to that little boy that told us flatulence was caused by an elf in your bum that struck a match. I felt sorry for him. He really seemed to believe it. Did he grow up to be a scientist? Is he an actor or a plumber? Oh, my wouldn’t that be funny? I remember going to a birthday party and falling in love with the little playhouse at the house. It made me think of Hansel and Gretel’s candy cottage.
I think I’d rather forget the night I came home from Julie’s and Bear was gone. I know Dad made the best choice for his family, but I missed Bear. He was such a great big brother. I missed him going hunting and bringing back a rabbit. Why? I don’t know. I just did. I had my bear though. He’d bought me a little golden bear with a blue and white striped “shirt” and a wind up key that made it play some kind of music. I wonder whatever happened to that bear?
I swam at Aunt Barbara’s house– well, I did until the time she decided to “help” me learn to swim and pushed me under and away from the ladder. I was pretty much done with swimming after that. I can still feel the burning in my throat and nose as I choked up the water. She meant well, but I was done with the whole “learn to swim” thing at that point. I think I spent more of my time sitting outside the pool petting Pug. Well, that and wiping Pug’s drool off me. Ugh.
There was an elderly man who lived across from us in what was once probably some kind of bunk house or something. It was shaped differently than our little house or the big one in front of his. He gave me a really old trunk. I don’t know what it was made of, but I think the inside was pasteboard or something. Inside was a very old doll with eyes that had fallen inside the head. Mom had that doll fixed for me. Loved that doll. When I was eight, I wanted to decorate my bed with her, so I put her on it, but she slid right off onto our hard tile floors. The porcelain head didn’t survive. I still get the shivers at the sight of those eyeballs.
Aunt Barbara gave me a Polly Flinders dress for my birthday that year, not to mention I always had Julie’s hand me down ones. Loved those dresses. The odd thing is, I don’t remember moving from Moorpark that summer. Why don’t I remember moving FROM there? I remember moving to that old house and into the apartment in Mesa… but I don’t remember leaving. Strange, isn’t it?
